I have a baby e book for my son. It has a yellow duck on the quilt, and inside there may be loads of area for images, notes, and even his tiny hospital bracelet. It’s additionally sitting untouched within the closet in his nursery; I’ve but to put in writing even his title on the within.
And now I feel like a full jerk due to it. I’m fairly positive this may qualify as a “mother fail,” and remorse slowly creeps in when I consider it.
I don’t know why I didn’t maintain a baby e book. I’m not against the idea. Quite the opposite I pored over my sister’s baby e book as a youngster. I beloved realizing precisely how a lot she weighed at start, or to carry the tiny lock of silky baby tresses from her first haircut.
Discover I talked about my sister’s e book and not mine? Because the second youngster, my baby e book fell by the wayside someplace after web page two. So that you’d suppose with that non-public historical past I’d remember to doc every milestone right down to his first diaper blowout.
However I didn’t even loosely seize the reminiscences, I skipped it altogether.
I was overwhelmed when my son was born, I was dealing with near-crippling postpartum melancholy and his baby e book appeared like another factor that was able to pushing me over the sting. I satisfied myself they had been silly, simply an additional challenge to sort out that wasn’t even crucial.
“I’ll bear in mind what’s vital and simply make a reminiscence field as a substitute,” I informed myself. I saved each merchandise that mattered — from his hospital bracelet to the stays of the mylar balloons that my dad and mom tied to our porch to greet us once we got here dwelling from the hospital — and saved them in a lovely souvenir field.
It’s actually fairly beautiful, and I have enjoyable going by it. However it in some way doesn’t feel like sufficient.
I know he acquired his first tooth at three months outdated. That he crawled the week after Easter. And that we drove from his 4 month checkup straight to the grocery retailer to purchase his first field of rice cereal. However past that I don’t have any specifics.
And the main points get a bit extra fuzzy with every passing day.
I surprise now if I ought to mud off that candy little duck, open the baby e book and fill in as a lot as I can bear in mind. Or maybe purchase a clean journal and, as a substitute of pretending to fill within the lacking items, merely begin documenting from at present ahead.
When I shared my issues (and perceived shortcoming as a mom) over “baby book-gate” with my husband he checked out me quizzically. “We had been purported to be penning this all down in a particular e book?” he requested.
If solely I might share his naiveté. Sadly I have Pinterest to remind me of what I ought to be doing as a substitute. And I’m the alternative of a Pinterest-perfect mother. I’m not even a Pinterest-okay mother.
Sure, it’s a dilemma that shouldn’t exist. In a really perfect world I wouldn’t put undue vitality towards this as a result of in fact I have extra vital issues to worry over than a clean baby e book. But I feel like I’ve failed my son in some way. That it was my accountability to be his historian.
So to those that say this isn’t value worrying about, I say this: welcome to motherhood, the world the place guilt is ever-present and unexplainable, and giving all the things by no means appears to feel like sufficient.
I know that quickly my baby e book remorse will likely be changed with a new guilt. Maybe over substituting home made snacks with Costco’s best hors d’oeuvres, or sending him to high school on Halloween in a store-bought costume. I’ll all the time feel like I can do higher. However it’s tough to let it go.
I’m grateful that, whereas I might have uncared for his baby e book, I did share his milestones with household on social media. And hopefully when he’s sufficiently old to ask me in regards to the day he took his first steps will probably be utterly acceptable for me to direct him to my Instagram account for particulars!
For extra of my mother shenanigans comply with me on Instagram at Witty Otter.
Pictures by Becky Vieira