My baby’s turning 1 and I’m not the least bit sad or nostalgic

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As quickly as my son turned 9 months previous individuals began asking me the query.

“Aren’t you sad? He’ll be one quickly!”

I’d defer my reply by declaring that he nonetheless had a couple of months to go, or that I wasn’t prepared to consider it. However the reality was I’d been counting the days till his first birthday since round the time we first introduced him dwelling from the hospital.

I must be sad, proper? Or nostalgic. That’s the reply individuals count on. This once-tiny child is rising so shortly. Time is treasured and it’s flying.

Newborn baby cries in hospital bassinet

My reply might not be fashionable, nevertheless it’s sincere. I’m not sad he’ll quickly be one yr previous. I’m completely happy.

I didn’t do nicely with the early child days and I’m excited to maneuver onto this subsequent chapter. Thoughts you, I’d wish to freeze time proper now. However I’m glad to have the previous keep there. And whereas he’ll all the time be “my child” he hasn’t really been a child for a couple of months now, or so it’s felt. All that’s left is for me to coach my mind to name him a toddler. We’re each prepared.

In fact I’ve all the time cherished my youngster. However the early days had been onerous. Sure, we’re fortunate. Blessed. He was and is wholesome. That doesn’t imply I’m required to get pleasure from the first few months we spent collectively.

As for lacking the previous or wanting to return, you may overlook it. My son had acid reflux disease. He screamed for about 21 of 24 hours a day. For 4 months straight. He wanted to be rocked to sleep for upwards of an hour and awoke the second I set him down. He redefined cluster feeding.

I used to be so severely bent (not damaged) by PPD. I’d attempt to run away. I’d head to a health care provider’s appointment and inform my husband I used to be actually frightened I’ll not come dwelling to them, that I’d simply hold driving.

I didn’t eat and was malnourished. Now I don’t have a medical diploma, however I’m fairly certain I’d be identified as a whole wreck. I counted down the 100 days of darkness after I used to be informed that issues would get higher round that point. We even had a giant star on our calendar to mark day 100. Sadly day 101 was no higher than its predecessors.

It was round month 5 when issues began to enhance. It wasn’t an on the spot change, extra like a dimmer swap that was slowly illuminating my world. My son’s reflux improved. He stopped screaming and started sleeping. I used to be additionally in a position to sleep — and eat, too.

Baby sits at table

I nonetheless have my unhealthy days and battle with PPD. Although I can confidently and fortunately say that now I’m really having fun with motherhood, and it’s every little thing I hoped it could be. That is our candy spot. I’m completely happy to be right here. Proud we made it.

Don’t get me improper, I’d like to return and cuddle that tiny babe. After which hand him over at the witching hour. We’re the place we had been meant to be. Proper now and shifting ahead.

I’m not sad about his birthday. The longer term is large open and our lives are a clean canvas that will probably be quickly coated with journey, travels, spilled meals, love, tears and life. Run, play, be taught and develop, my candy youngster. You might be so cherished.

For extra of my mother shenanigans comply with me on Instagram at Witty Otter.

Pictures by Becky Vieira


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