Think Before You Act

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On a summer season day, it was extremely popular. The temperature was greater than ninety eight levels Fahrenheit. I went to a seaside social gathering in Port-au-Prince. The seaside was full of individuals, bushes, and rocks. It was superb and superior. On the seaside, I noticed a younger woman. I approached her. “What’s your identify?” I requested her.

She stated, “My identify is Mary.”

Her voice was so superb and delightful. I presumably felt that it was the primary time that I heard a gorgeous voice like that. Her eyes had been inexperienced. Her hair was darkish, and the colour of her pores and skin was purple. She was very tall and horny.

Mary and I continued to speak to one another. We received to know one another slightly bit, we alternate cellphone numbers, and we grew to become associates. Whereas we had been speaking to one another, we noticed a black man. He was very tall and massive. Mary pointed her finger at him. “His identify is Jean,” stated Mary. “He’s considered one of my finest associates.” She known as him. She launched him to me. I talked to him, exchanging cellphone numbers with him, and I grew to become associates with him too.

It was getting darkish. Mary, Jean, and I left the seaside. Whereas we had been strolling on the road, we continued to speak to one another. Once we arrived at Rue de Champ-de-Mars, we stated goodbye to one another. And we diverged.

After I arrived house, I laid down on my mattress. I might really feel inside my coronary heart that I received satisfied that Mary appeared to be the sort of woman whom I had been on the lookout for, however part of me stated no. I saved eager about how I might higher the connection between me and Mary. After a few hours, I fell asleep.

The following day had come. I known as Mary as a result of I needed to get to know her higher. She advised me that she was sixteen. She could be in eleventh grade. She deliberate to check drugs after she graduated highschool. After I requested her, did she have a boyfriend? She responded, “No.” She stated that Raymond Pierre, her father, died in a automobile accident. He died when she was seven. She was raised by a single mom named Malucia Pierre. She went on to say that her mom was thirty-eight-years-old. She was a nurse. She had additionally studied finance on the Universite d’Etat d’Haiti.

She additionally advised me that she didn’t have any sister or brother, however she had a niece named Jenny. Jenny, Mary mom’s son’s child, was eleven-years-old, and he or she was in her final yr in elementary faculty. Each her father and her mom died since she was three-years-old. They died in a bike accident in Gonaives. Mary stated that Jenny was raised by her mom, and so they grew up collectively. In consequence, she thought-about Jenny as her sister.

She went on to inform me that she favored and used to go to a discipline journey yearly or each Valentine’s Day. It all the time happened at a backyard named the Backyard of Paradise. This backyard was the place she and Jean met. She used to go there together with her mom, and so they used to sit down by a statue, having nice conversations about their private experiences and issues or about their private lives. The statue was considered one of a person named Jean Jacques Dessalines hugging together with his spouse named Marie-Claire Heureuse Félicité. “Final yr, my niece went to the sector journey with my mom and me,” she stated. “We had a good time collectively. My mom was so excited. Nevertheless, we used to really feel so lonely as a result of we did not have any intimate companionship or accomplice with us whereas virtually all individuals within the discipline journey had their intimate companions with them; consequently, I used to really feel that I used to be in want of a accomplice as my mom each time I went to the sector journey.”

I advised Mary that I used to be seventeen. I might be a senior at Lycee Fabre Gefrard Excessive Faculty, and I deliberate to go to school to check accounting and enterprise administration after I graduated. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I advised her that my father additionally died. Renel Paulynice, my father, died of a coronary heart assault since I used to be three-years- previous. I used to be raised by a single mom. My mom was named Esperantha Aimable. She was forty-one-years-old. She was a math instructor at La Belle Souers Des Unis Faculty. She had studied arithmetic and training on the Universite D’etat D’Haiti.

“I haven’t got any sister or brother,” I additionally advised her.

I known as Jean after a few days. He advised me that he had already graduated highschool. He was twenty-years-old. He presently studied biology on the College d’Etat d’Haiti. After I requested him to inform me slightly bit about Mary, he responded that Mary was completely nice. She was sensible. She was within the high 5 p.c of her class. She had fame in highschool for being respectful to everybody. “She is my finest good friend,” he stated.

For all my life, I had been in every single place on the lookout for a sensible and respectful woman, a lady who had an important imaginative and prescient as I did, however I couldn’t discover her. Nevertheless, after Jean advised me how Mary was sensible and respectful, I noticed that Mary was completely the sort of woman whom I had been on the lookout for.

The connection between me and Mary began getting higher, however I wasn’t courageous. We known as one another every single day. Each weekend, we went to cinema, dinner, theater, museum, live performance, or basketball recreation collectively. There have been occasions that we spent occasions in a park known as Nationwide Historical past Park, which consisted of the Sans-Souci Palace, the Citadelle Laferrière, and the buildings of Ramiers, speaking to one another about what we needed to do with our lives or what kind of person who we want to date. Fortuitously, our factors of views had been related in some ways, and Mary appeared to have the vast majority of the qualities that I actually needed from a lady primarily based on what she advised me after we shared concepts collectively. Each time I used to be together with her, I might really feel that my coronary heart was beating quickly. It was onerous for me to have a look at her deeply in her eyes. I might really feel profoundly that there have been some transformations that effectuated inside me that I used to be incapable of describing, however telling her how I felt was my greatest weak point or downside. Probably the most painful or the weakest factor that I might ever expertise in my life was that I didn’t have sufficient bravery to let her know the way I felt.

There have been occasions that we went out with Jean. Once we requested him about what kind of woman that he favored up to now, he used to reply comically, “I want to date a really large fats tall woman like me.” Nevertheless, probably the most fascinating half was that Jean needed up to now an informed woman, a lady who had an important imaginative and prescient as he did. Desperately, Jean all the time stated that he thought that he would by no means discover a woman who actually favored him as a result of most of his classmates saved calling him “large fats ugly tall man”. Along with that, he had been rejected by each woman that he talked to; consequently, he grew to become afraid of expressing his feeling to any woman that he favored. We all the time stated to Jean as a method of encouraging him, “Everybody was made to be beloved by somebody. However discovering this particular person is just not simple. It requires a variety of time, hope, or persistence.” He used to giggle out loudly each time we stated that to him as he had the hope that he would discover somebody who beloved him. Mary and I used to giggle out loudly too.

I used to speak to an previous man named Jacques Pierre. Jacques Pierre, my neighbor, was seventy-years-old. He was the daddy or grandfather of greater than thirty youngsters. He was very quick and had lengthy white beard and white hair. He revered me as I used to be an previous man like him as a result of I actually revered him, and I used to be identified by everybody as a respectful younger man. He thought-about me as his son. We used to joke, speaking to one another about our private experiences. Jacques was identified by everybody as an skilled advisor as a result of he favored to advise different individuals or advised them about what he went via in life and what classes that he discovered from them in order that others might additionally study from them to keep away from related issues that will occur to them sooner or later. In the future, I known as him and advised him that I had an issue. I needed his assist.

“It’s okay my son,” he responded. “What do you want my recommendation about?”

I responded, “About relationship.”

He stated, “Okay.”

“Are you house?” I requested him.

He stated, “Sure.”

“I’m coming to see you,” I responded to him.

He stated, “I’m ready for you.”

I walked shortly. After I arrived, I knocked on the door of Pierre’s room. He opened

the door and stated to me, “Hey son, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing okay,” I responded to him as I entered in his room.

Pierre’s room was very massive and lengthy. It had two followers. One of many followers was in entrance of Pierre’s mattress, and the opposite one was in entrance of his radio. His room had just one radio and one TV. The radio was taking part in a love track titled “While you love somebody” by Bryan Adams. The tv was on the desk and was taking part in a love film titled Romeo and Juliet. The desk had a variety of books and journal papers that Pierre favored to learn. He discovered a variety of life classes from studying these books, and he favored to share these classes with different individuals. The ground of his room was coated with a blue carpet, and the wall was portray with a gorgeous blue paint. His mattress was additionally coated with a blue blanket and had a white pillow on it. Beside the mattress, there was a black chair.

“You can sit on this chair my son,” Pierre stated to me fortunately.

“Thanks Mr. Pierre,” I responded to him as I grabbed the chair to put it someplace that was extra applicable in order that I might sit on it.

“What do you want my recommendation about?” he requested me.

I advised Jacques Pierre, “there’s a woman whom I actually like, however I do not know methods to strategy her. I’m afraid to inform her how I really feel. I’m afraid of rejection. The sensation begins getting stronger,

and I can not deal with it. I do not know what to do.”

“My son, after I was in your age, I was like that,” he responded to me, “and I actually know what you are speaking about. That is my recommendation to you my son. It’s higher to inform somebody how you are feeling as an alternative of dying with a sense in your coronary heart since you by no means know the way the opposite particular person feels. In case you do not inform her how you are feeling, how will she know that you simply like her? Act like a person. It’s your job. Be fearless. Do not be afraid of rejection. Inform her how you are feeling. The longer you disguise this sense secretly to your self is the stronger that it turns into.”

I responded to him, “Thanks a lot daddy. I’ll.”

I shook Jacques’s hand, hugged him, and stated goodbye to him.

He responded, “Bye.”

After I arrived house, I laid down on my mattress and took a deep breath. I stated to myself, “It’s higher to inform somebody how you are feeling as an alternative of dying with a sense in your coronary heart since you by no means know the way the opposite particular person feels. In case you do not inform her how you are feeling, how will she know that you simply like her? “After a few seconds, I noticed one thing, and I discovered from it. I discovered from what Jacques Pierre advised me. I noticed that I ought to inform Mary how I felt.

In the future, I felt that I had a sure bravery, a bravery that I couldn’t have earlier than, the bravery to inform Mary how I felt about her. I decided. I made the choice to name Mary to inform her how I cared and felt about her. I known as her. I advised her how I cared and felt about her.

“I can not imagine what you might be saying,” she stated on the cellphone. “You can say what you actually need to say.”

“If I needed to say what I actually need to say,” I responded, “I might say that I like you.”

She sang on the cellphone. The way in which she sang made me notice that she was not likely . I stated goodbye to her. I hanged off the cellphone.

I known as Jean, telling him that I had been calling Mary.

He stated, “I’ve been calling her immediately too.”

“That’s nice,” I replied.

“I’m doing one thing proper now,” he stated, “so I’m going to name you tonight.”

“Okay,” I responded to him.

The connection between me and Mary didn’t disintegrate although she acted like she was not likely all in favour of me. Each day, I known as her, telling her how I beloved her. She all the time stated that she wasn’t able to be in a relationship. Nevertheless, that didn’t cease me from persevering with to inform her that I used to be able to spend the remainder of my life together with her or that she was the one one which my coronary heart and my soul needed.

I all the time known as Jean, my good friend. And I all the time advised him that I beloved Mary. He used to inform me that Mary advised him that she was not all in favour of me. Each time he stated that to me, I felt so unhappy. Nevertheless, I by no means felt so disheartened as a result of there have been different individuals who used to inform me that Mary advised them that she beloved me.

In the future, I sat someplace quietly, and I contemplated how I might use some persuasive statements to write down a letter to Mary with a view to persuade her. After a few minutes, I took a chunk of paper and a pen. I began writing a letter. Fortuitously, a variety of romantic and persuasive ideas got here to my thoughts, and it took me 4 hours to write down this letter. Whereas I used to be virtually ending writing the letter, I noticed Mary strolling on the road. I felt so joyful. I shortly wrote the remainder of the letter. I gave her the letter. She took it. She smiled at me, and I smiled at her too.

I stated, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she stated.

After two months, Mary wrote a letter to me. She talked about in her letter that she didn’t love me. She needed me to go away her alone. She went on to say that she needed me to cease calling her.

After I learn that letter, I used to be so pressured and pessimistic. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t research or do my homework. There have been occasions that I talked to my mom, to Jean, and to different individuals, and I used to inform them that I might kill myself in the future. Sadly, none of them knew what I meant after I stated that. They all the time requested me if I used to be loopy. I all the time advised them that I might do this for a cause. Sadly, they by no means took time to speak to me with a view to recommendation me as a result of most of them thought that I used to be taking part in.

In the future, I felt so unhappy and uncomfortable. I known as Jean. Sadly, Jean didn’t reply the cellphone. I attempted to sleep, however I couldn’t sleep. I attempted to eat, however I couldn’t eat. I attempted to look at TV with a view to entertain myself or to ease my ache, however nothing labored. I didn’t know what to do. I requested myself, “What ought to I do?” After a few minutes, “I do not know what to do,” I stated. “I’m going to kill myself.”

I walked silently in my room after a few seconds. My room contained a variety of issues, and it was very massive and lengthy. The ground was coated with a black carpet. It had one door. On the fitting facet of my room, there have been two televisions, three radios, one fridge, 4 mirrors, and one desk. On the left facet of my room, there have been two followers and one pc. My mattress was in the course of my room. In entrance of my mattress, there was a gun, a 9minimeter, which we used for the protection of the home. I took it. I cocked it. I pointed it to my temple. I positioned my index finger, the killing finger, on the set off of the gun. I put my knees down. I closed my eyes to wish God. I prayed God to forgive me for all my sins and for the sin that I’m going to commit. Then I say Amen! I pointed the gun to myself. I positioned my index finger, the killing finger, on the set off of the gun. I put my knees down. I closed my eyes to wish God. I prayed God to forgive me for all my sins and for the sin that I used to be going to commit, which was the act of killing myself. Then I stated Amen! I shot myself. I heard, bow!

I head individuals crying. I used to be shaking on the ground. I felt that blood was passing via my noise and throughout my physique. I heard my mom crying of my dying. After some time, I went clean. I misplaced consciousness.

After I was again to life, I noticed myself laying down at a hospital mattress. Docs and nurses had been throughout me. The docs sew me and shove me again and out to avoid wasting my life.

I spent months on the hospital. I used to be aspiring to shoot myself within the coronary heart, however could also be that I used to be too in hurry to shoot myself, or the emotion of the heartbreaking had been going loopy, so I couldn’t management myself; consequently, I shot myself as an alternative a inch away from my coronary heart, in between my coronary heart and my abdomen.

The shotgun didn’t keep inside my physique, however it handed out all over my again and penetrated contained in the wall of the room. After I received out the hospital, I sat again in my room. I rotated, and I noticed an enormous gap that the shotgun has left within the wall.

My mom felt so confused. She got here to me. “What occurred?” she requested, “What’s improper?”

“I do not know,” I stated.

After a few minutes, I advised my mom the reality. I advised her what I did with the gun.

My mom took the gun. She opened the window of the room, and he or she threw the gun at a deep and gigantic river that handed throughout the home.

After a few minutes, I advised my mom the reality. I advised her what I did with the gun.

She checked out me desperately. “How do you assume that you’re not loopy,” she requested, “while you virtually killed your self, particularly over one thing trivial like that?”

“Generally we do some loopy stuff after we love somebody,” I responded to my mom as I used to be crying, “however that does not imply that we’re loopy. Love merely makes us blind, and we’re unable to observe what we would like. Nevertheless, our hearts and our souls select to observe what they need whereas our our bodies are unable to withstand or to regulate this sense. Generally, although the one which our hearts and our souls need hurts us, we nonetheless cannot avoid that particular person as a result of our hearts and our souls do not give us the prospect to try this, and our hearts and our souls say sure although generally our mouths say no. The center is what we have to survive. We’re obligated to please it. The soul directs the physique to the place it desires it. There’s nothing we will do.”

I checked out my mom, and I might see in my mom’s face a face of despair. She was extra determined after she heard that expression. Her eyes had been watering as she couldn’t imagine that her solely son had virtually died.

“Sit down,” she stated to me with a voice filled with ache. “I need to speak to you.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Do not do one thing like that anymore,” she stated. ” You ought to all the time just be sure you management your feeling. You have to like individuals who love you and study to maneuver on from those that do not. You need to sacrifice your self for people who find themselves able to sacrifice themselves for you. You need to assume earlier than you do sure issues in life. Do not forget that for the remainder of your life.”

I responded, ” Okay.”

After my mom left my room, “Thanks Jesus,” I stated. “I virtually killed myself.” I laid down on my mattress. I closed my eyes, and I considered how I virtually died. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. I noticed the massive gap within the wall, which I thought-about because the illustration of my dying. I noticed one thing, and I discovered from it. I discovered from what my mom advised me. I noticed that I mustn’t attempt to kill myself for Mary.

After a few minutes, I known as Jean. I advised him that I had virtually died.

“What’s improper?” he requested me.

I replied, “Nothing.”

“Are you okay?” he interrogated me.

“I’m good,” I stated. “If that didn’t occur, my mom would by no means educate me a lesson, and I might by no means study from it.”

He questioned, “Do you need to go on a discipline journey?”

“I need to go,” I responded. “What date is the sector journey?”

“The sector journey is subsequent month,” he stated. “I’ll decide you up.”

I stated, “Okay.”

He replied, “Bye.”

“Bye,” I stated.

I hanged off the cellphone and turned off the sunshine in my room.

I stated to my mom, “Good evening.”

She stated, “You are a loopy boy.”

“I’m not a loopy boy,” I responded.

She stated, “Good evening.”

I replied, “Okay.”

After a few days, I continued to use what my mom advised me. I by no means known as Mary. After I noticed her, I acted like I didn’t see her. I by no means talked to her anymore.

On a Saturday morning, Jean, my good friend, got here to choose me up.

I requested him, “The place the sector Journey goes to happen?”

“In a backyard,” he stated.

I replied, “Let’s go.”

Shortly, we walked on the street. Once we arrived, we sat in entrance of a desk containing a variety of meals and beer. We had been speaking to one another about our private experiences and issues. Beside us, there have been different individuals who had been speaking too, and we couldn’t hear something they stated. Behind us, there have been two statues. Additionally, there have been two males who performed with a snake. In entrance of us, there have been some youngsters who sat in entrance of a river, and so they performed with their pets and different creatures that they discovered within the river. That place was peaceable. Jean and I might solely hear the track of the birds singing their candy melodies whereas we had been speaking. Additionally, it was beautiful and unbelievable. It contained a variety of flowers, bushes, mountains, rivers, and animals. This place was referred to as Le Jardin de Paradis, which was located in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Whereas Jean and I had been speaking to one another, he requested me, “How is Mary?”

I stated, “I do not know.”

“How you do not know?” he replied.

“Mary is just not in my thoughts anymore,” I stated. “It has been two weeks since I noticed her.”

He responded, “That isn’t superb.”

After a few minutes, we sat quietly and checked out attentively the boys who performed with the snake and the kids who sat in entrance of the river that contained a variety of animals. It was a tremendous day. Many individuals took pleasure from listening to the candy melodies of the birds within the backyard. After some time, we went to sit down in entrance of the river the place the kids performed.

“You know that Mary loves you,” stated one of many youngsters, slightly woman.

I stated, “You are taking part in with me.”

“I’m not taking part in with you,” she replied.

Jean stated, “That sounds superb and fascinating.”

“After all, it’s,” I responded to him.

“What’s your identify?” I requested the little woman.

She stated, “My identify is Jenny.”

“How are you aware that she loves me?” I requested Jenny.

She replied, “She advised my grandmother and me that.”

“Are you her niece?” I requested her.

She responded, ” Sure, I’m her niece.”

“How are you aware that I’m the one which she used to speak to you and your grandmother about,” I questioned her once more.

She responded, “Generally, while you walked down the road, she used to level her finger at you and stated to me ‘ That is Roldens, the person whom I used to speak to you and my mom about. I like him. However I do not need to inform him that proper now ‘. I used to giggle out loudly.”

I stated, “Okay.”

“If you wish to know if that’s true,” stated Jenny, “go speak to her. She is in entrance of that statue.”

I hugged Jenny. I gave her ten , and I stated thanks to her.

“I’m going to ask Mary if she loves you,” Jean, my good friend, stated.

“We must always go collectively,” I replied.

Jean and I went to sit down in entrance of the statue the place Jenny advised us to go; sadly, we didn’t see Mary.

The statue was of a younger man and a younger woman hugging and kissing collectively. They had been nude. Everybody might see every little thing on their our bodies, however it was onerous to see their breasts and their non-public elements as a result of they had been hugging too tightly. The person was fairly tall, and the girl was fairly quick. Her hair was lengthy. The statue was in the course of a water jet. We took pleasure from taking part in with the water that got here out within the water jet.

Whereas Jean and I had been speaking to one another, we heard Mary speaking to her mom, however we didn’t know the place she was precisely.

After a few seconds, we remained quietly and listened attentively to what they stated.

“You know that I like Roldens,” Mary stated to her mom. “I’m going to inform him how I really feel.”

Her mom replied, “Do not do this proper now.”

“I’m going to say that to him,” she stated to her mom once more. “My feeling for him begins getting stronger.”

“I’m going to say that to you once more,” her mom stated. “So as so that you can know if a man actually loves you, you must take a while to rigorously analyze him.”

“I’ve been analyzing him for one yr and a half,” she stated to her mom. “Proper now, I ought to give him my coronary heart.”

“Do not do this proper now,” replied her mom. “Proceed to investigate him.”

“I’m going to proceed to investigate him,” she responded.

“Jenny did not lie,” I stated to Jean. “It is true that Mary loves me.”

“That’s true,” he replied.

I stated, “Let’s go.”

Whereas Jean and I had been strolling within the backyard, we noticed Mary and her mom. They talked to one another about me, however they didn’t see me.

“I can not wait to provide Roldens my coronary heart,” Mary stated to her mom. “I like him.”

Her mom stated, “You need to take a while… “

As I stepped in, “Are you critical?” I curiously and all of a sudden requested Mary as I interrupted her dialog together with her mom. “Why you by no means inform me how you are feeling?”

Mary put her head down and stated nothing.

“Please speak to me,” I stated to Mary.

“I like you Roldens,” replied Mary.

“Why you didn’t inform me that?” I stated. “You ought to inform me that while you wrote the letter to me as an alternative of telling me one thing that nearly made me commit suicide. Your letter prompted me a lot ache.”

“I didn’t inform you that,” she replied as she was crying, “as a result of I used to be making an attempt to investigate you. I simply needed to know should you actually beloved me.”

She closed her eyes. She considered one thing. After a few minutes, she hugged me and kissed me. She stated nothing, however she cried whereas she was kissing me.

Jean stated desperately, ” I hope that I’ll discover my woman in the future.” However he smiled suspiciously, and he checked out Mary and me attentively.

After a few hours, Jean advised me that Mary used to inform him every little thing, however he couldn’t inform me the reality as a result of Mary didn’t need him to inform me that.

” I’m glad that I didn’t kill myself,” I stated.

Jean stated, “What you imply by that?”

“I’ll inform you. I’ll inform you,” I stated. ” I used to be making an attempt to kill myself as a result of Mary stated that she didn’t like me.”

“Think! Think! Think! Think earlier than you act, ” Jean stated. “Your story is an instance.”

We gone.

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